...Flooded with emotion....
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AnonymousNovice
..Distracted..Confused...Suffacated By My Own Thoughts...
...Ill start with saying that after i woke from this dream...ive been lost and tormented no longer sure of my feelings and sanity...involves 3 men i will forever hold close and forever be tied too...
1. Kennys my first serious boyfriend ibelieve to be my first love..i spent 6 years loving and hating this one..at one point i honestly believed we would spend the rest of our days together..i was sadly mistakin...i broke things off with Kenny after i had a miscarriage...that wasnt the reason for leaving..i was confused and no longer happy at where life had brought me...it had been coming for sometime...dont get me wrong i love him to no end and always will.Nothing could ever change that but in my heart i knew he deserved better someone who would love him for him. I became miserable and he would never admit to the fact that he was no longer happy either. Ive done things in my past im not proud of..and ive made mistakes...and i hid certain something from him...something most people would look down on me for and call a mistake...i cant call it a mistake even tho it was wrong and went against every moral fiber in my core...and now ill tell you about my so-called "mistake"......
2. Jeremy.."kenny's" older brother..all self morals/values, reason and piece of my sanity went out the window with this one. Im not proud of the fact that not only did i find my self having very strong intense feelings for him but that i also acted on them. Obviously the feeling was mutual..the chemistry was intoxicating and overwhelming and proved to be to hard to ignore. Ive tried over and over to lock him out of my head and heart but its seems impossible...too often ill find myself thinking of him..wanting him.
3. Mark..my current boyfriend who im madly crazy in love with. That guy your mother dreams you'll marry..and "secretly" prays you've got his heart in the death grip and wont let him slip through your finger tips. The kind of man your dad can be proud of and holds nothing but the up-most respect for. The man you can build a beautiful and happy life with...so i packed up my life and moved clear across the state to his hometown so we could start on "our" american dream. "THE DREAM"...its fairly short and simple to be quite honest. in the dream i found myself alone with the 3 men my hearts tied to...i cant tell you where i am in this dream and were all surrounded by this creepy swirling fog...in the dream im in my relationship with my current love mark..i can feel and know that much..but for some confusing reason im cuddled up next to "Kenny", and by the look on Marks face..hes completely ok with the fact that im "with" kenny instead of him...i felt horrible..the feeling like he could just walk away and let me go and not think twice of it?...not a feeling of saddness or despair..i didnt see pain or tears in his eyes like i would have expected. on that note Jeremys Face is full of deep saddness and longing?....and as im looking at him it seems the fog begins pulling him away, deeper within itself..and as he begins to fade..my stomache tightens, my heart starts pounding and this deep pain and sickness washes over my enire body...i "feel" myself reaching for him..but only im not?..like my bodys just frozen.....i then wake from my dream and coming back to reality..taking nothing but the flood of emotions and haunted by what just happened..the feelings from mark and the haunted look in Jeremys eyes..oddly enough tho Kenny only seemed to give me the feeling of comfort..as tho he was just a prop to keep me grounded....?
...Ill start with saying that after i woke from this dream...ive been lost and tormented no longer sure of my feelings and sanity...involves 3 men i will forever hold close and forever be tied too...
1. Kennys my first serious boyfriend ibelieve to be my first love..i spent 6 years loving and hating this one..at one point i honestly believed we would spend the rest of our days together..i was sadly mistakin...i broke things off with Kenny after i had a miscarriage...that wasnt the reason for leaving..i was confused and no longer happy at where life had brought me...it had been coming for sometime...dont get me wrong i love him to no end and always will.Nothing could ever change that but in my heart i knew he deserved better someone who would love him for him. I became miserable and he would never admit to the fact that he was no longer happy either. Ive done things in my past im not proud of..and ive made mistakes...and i hid certain something from him...something most people would look down on me for and call a mistake...i cant call it a mistake even tho it was wrong and went against every moral fiber in my core...and now ill tell you about my so-called "mistake"......
2. Jeremy.."kenny's" older brother..all self morals/values, reason and piece of my sanity went out the window with this one. Im not proud of the fact that not only did i find my self having very strong intense feelings for him but that i also acted on them. Obviously the feeling was mutual..the chemistry was intoxicating and overwhelming and proved to be to hard to ignore. Ive tried over and over to lock him out of my head and heart but its seems impossible...too often ill find myself thinking of him..wanting him.
3. Mark..my current boyfriend who im madly crazy in love with. That guy your mother dreams you'll marry..and "secretly" prays you've got his heart in the death grip and wont let him slip through your finger tips. The kind of man your dad can be proud of and holds nothing but the up-most respect for. The man you can build a beautiful and happy life with...so i packed up my life and moved clear across the state to his hometown so we could start on "our" american dream. "THE DREAM"...its fairly short and simple to be quite honest. in the dream i found myself alone with the 3 men my hearts tied to...i cant tell you where i am in this dream and were all surrounded by this creepy swirling fog...in the dream im in my relationship with my current love mark..i can feel and know that much..but for some confusing reason im cuddled up next to "Kenny", and by the look on Marks face..hes completely ok with the fact that im "with" kenny instead of him...i felt horrible..the feeling like he could just walk away and let me go and not think twice of it?...not a feeling of saddness or despair..i didnt see pain or tears in his eyes like i would have expected. on that note Jeremys Face is full of deep saddness and longing?....and as im looking at him it seems the fog begins pulling him away, deeper within itself..and as he begins to fade..my stomache tightens, my heart starts pounding and this deep pain and sickness washes over my enire body...i "feel" myself reaching for him..but only im not?..like my bodys just frozen.....i then wake from my dream and coming back to reality..taking nothing but the flood of emotions and haunted by what just happened..the feelings from mark and the haunted look in Jeremys eyes..oddly enough tho Kenny only seemed to give me the feeling of comfort..as tho he was just a prop to keep me grounded....?
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