Ahoy me hearties.
I won't abide here fer long, although it depends on me captain, I'll ask him though, as soon as I see him in the mirror.
I don't sign autographs, but my word is law, as is pirate law.
We got a whole bunch of friendly folk here.
I'll start 'er off with some pirate jokes, to get my black flag wavin' a bit.
Do ye know how to make a tall pirate short?
- Take away his loot.
Which pirate wears the biggest hat?
- He who has the biggest head.
What does the ocean say when it sees the shore?
- Nothing, it just waves.
That's enough of that.
Now about my life.
I was born, somewhere, by my family but when I was 5, me pappy shrunk her head. . . a lot, now I only see her in a bag.
I had me first Mermaid affair at 16. She was called the Little Mermaid and I had a lot o' conflicts with her, I even wanted to kill meself. This started the legend of the Conflicting Prince. In fact a lot of people don't even know mermaids very well, they are not what they seem, although their kisses are the foundation of French kisses.
The French stole them from them.
With me ship the Flying Dutchman I plunder a lot o' rum, but I often dream that I drink rum 24/7, nonstop, but when I wake up I always see two women next to me. . . Where's my Rum? ! ? ! ? ? I don't want these night owls.
I know Captain Morgan, Blackbeard, Redbeard, Bronzebeard, Captain Kidd, Starbuck and others.
But Jack Sparrow blows them all out of the water. He's a fan of mine. I'm his employer.
Don't take out loans, or grow Rum.
Don't listen to the aliens that he's killed before. . . dirty lies, they secretly drink alien Bloody Kirby, that's why they're Grey and Green.
That's it fer now. Ye can read the next chapter another time.
Shiver me timbers, yarrr. Wishing ye all the best and plenty o' pillaging and looting, as well as Rum.
The Pirate's Life